Christmas soap
It has been a very eventful Christmas eve/day that I must note down so I can, in future, look back and laugh at it all. Now, it is all I can do to keep busy so I don't bawl.
The eve was spent first at a job function to soothe tempers, then catching up with friends at their place, a bit of kid-bullying, followed by more catching up with another friend, ending with a stroll (literally, due to the horrendous traffic jam) down orchard road for the lights and countdown, foam spray treatment and carrot cake supper.
Up til this point in time - what a great start to Christmas !! I'd rate it one of the best I have ever had, shared with my self-made family.
Then, Christmas day actual. A lazy breakfast with a fluff book was a good way to wake up. Right up until my phone flashes with four texts, three of em Christmas wishes, and the last one the one that killed me. I just sat there, feeling my heart slowly shatter (it does happen, not just a figure of speech). I couldn't cry yet, was still shocked stupid. Must've been a good 10 minutes before I re-read the message again and again, feeling the words burn themselves into my memory. Tears welling up and dripping down my face. Its now 15 hours since I got the message, as I type this, wow still more tears ... Pathetic!
Not knowing where else to turn, I sent S a text asking if we could meet up. S was a lifesaver, letting me cry and providing much needed support (and Kleenex).
All the words I have wanted to say, that I didn't have the guts to tell you, I guess there is no more need for them. I should just bury them away, and shut the door and seal it up tight. Throw away the key and keep myself busy. Happiness? forget it.
The rest of my Christmas day has been well spent though. To borrow the credit card adverts:
Running with the dog = 1 hour of forgetfulness, and less muscle stiffness.
Setting up appointments to meet up with friends = not hearing the love songs on radio, and no thoughts of what may be.
Meeting with a similarly lonely friend = 7 hours of sharing, a deeper friendship, and a $30 parking fine
Discovering some hope after all that = priceless ... or pure stupidity.
The eve was spent first at a job function to soothe tempers, then catching up with friends at their place, a bit of kid-bullying, followed by more catching up with another friend, ending with a stroll (literally, due to the horrendous traffic jam) down orchard road for the lights and countdown, foam spray treatment and carrot cake supper.
Up til this point in time - what a great start to Christmas !! I'd rate it one of the best I have ever had, shared with my self-made family.
Then, Christmas day actual. A lazy breakfast with a fluff book was a good way to wake up. Right up until my phone flashes with four texts, three of em Christmas wishes, and the last one the one that killed me. I just sat there, feeling my heart slowly shatter (it does happen, not just a figure of speech). I couldn't cry yet, was still shocked stupid. Must've been a good 10 minutes before I re-read the message again and again, feeling the words burn themselves into my memory. Tears welling up and dripping down my face. Its now 15 hours since I got the message, as I type this, wow still more tears ... Pathetic!
Not knowing where else to turn, I sent S a text asking if we could meet up. S was a lifesaver, letting me cry and providing much needed support (and Kleenex).
All the words I have wanted to say, that I didn't have the guts to tell you, I guess there is no more need for them. I should just bury them away, and shut the door and seal it up tight. Throw away the key and keep myself busy. Happiness? forget it.
The rest of my Christmas day has been well spent though. To borrow the credit card adverts:
Running with the dog = 1 hour of forgetfulness, and less muscle stiffness.
Setting up appointments to meet up with friends = not hearing the love songs on radio, and no thoughts of what may be.
Meeting with a similarly lonely friend = 7 hours of sharing, a deeper friendship, and a $30 parking fine
Discovering some hope after all that = priceless ... or pure stupidity.
posted by boo at 11:53 PM
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